SANTA NEED A CAB


I WENT DOWN TO MIAMI ONCE WITH A FRIEND OF MINE

CHECKIN OUT THE SOUTH BEACH SCENE.

COULD NOT BELIEVE THE BEAUTIFUL SIGHTS

THAT’S RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

SO I GRABBED MY GOOD FRIEND, SAID LET THE PARTY BEGIN.

WE GONNA TRY AND FIND US SOME LUCK.

BUT OUR NIGHT WOULD UNDO WHEN WE BOTH RAN INTO

AN ELF THAT’S LIQUERED UP.


SEE, WE WENT TO THIS CLUB,

IT HAD A CANDY CANE AND REINDEER SMELL.

AND LYING ON THE DANCE FLOOR

WAS THIS BEARDED ELF LOOKIN LIKE HELL.

I DIDN’T KNOW NICHOLAS COULD BECOME SUCH A LUSH,

BUT HE DRANK HIS BOTTLE UP DRY.

AND WHEN HE SAID TIME TO LEAVE THAT’S WHEN MY FRIEND AND ME

SAID SANTA YOU CANT FLY

 

CANT YOU SEE? SANTA NEED A CAB.

CAUSE YOUR SPINNIN AROUND IS IN YOUR HEAD LAYIN DOWN

SANTA YOU’RE LOOKIN SAD

CANT YOU SEE? SANTA NEED A CAB.

YOU CANT FLY ON YOUR KNEES SO JUST HAND OVER YOUR KEYS

OR YOU’RE GONNA CRASH BAD

NOW DONNER GET UP OL SANTA OFF OF HIS CAN,

BLITZEN GET HIS PANTS FROM THE CEILING FAN,

RUDY CANT YOU SEE TIME TO CLOSE HIS TAB

IF YOU LET HIM FLY CHRISTMAS WILL END BAD.

CANT YOU SEE? SANTA NEED A CAB.

CANT YOU SEE? SANTA NEED A CAB.


WELL OL SANTA HE DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE.

SO I ASKED, “WHY YOU DOING ALL THIS?”

HE SAID “CHRISTMAS IS OVER IT’S TIME NOW TO BASK.

BASK IN DRUNKEN BLISS

ALL THE TOYS ARE DELIVERED IF I WRECK ME LIVER

WELL WHAT’S THAT TO ANYONE?

AFTER ALL OF ME TOIL DON’T YOU DARE TRY TO SPOIL

MY POST-CHRISTMAS FUN”


I SAID “SANTA I KNOW WE ALL NEED A BREAK.

A BREAK FROM WORKIN ROUTINE

BUT WITH YOUR TINY BODY IT DOESN’T TAKE MUCH.

NOT MUCH FOR YOU TO GET OBSCENE.

SANTA YOUR JUST AN ELF PUT YOUR BOOZE ON THE SHELF

IF YOU DON’T THINGS COULD GO WRONG.

LIKE TONIGHT DON’T YOU THINK CAUSE AFTER ALL OF YOUR DRINK

YOU’RE WEARING JUST A THONG”


CANT YOU SEE? SANTA NEED A CAB.

IT DOESN’T TAKE HIM MUCH BOOZE TO GET THE MORALS REAL LOOSE

AND THEN BEHAVE LIKE A CAD

CANT YOU SEE? SANTA NEED A CAB.

THOSE WET T-SHIRT CONTESTS ARE MEANT FOR GIRLS WITH A CHEST

AND NOT AN ELF SHAKIN FLAB

NOW DONNER, GET UP OL SANTA OFF OF HIS CAN,

BLITZEN GET HIS PANTS FROM THE CEILING FAN,

RUDY CANT YOU SEE TIME TO CLOSE HIS TAB

IF YOU LET HIM FLY CHRISTMAS WILL END BAD.

CANT YOU SEE? SANTA NEED A CAB.

CANT YOU SEE? SANTA NEED A CAB.


WELL WE SOON DISCOVERED OUR ORIGINAL INTENT,

OUR INTENT HAD STRAYED QUITE AFAR.

OUR QUEST TO CHASE WOMEN HAD CHANGED

TO CHASING SANTA FROM THE BAR.

OUR NEW ROLE AS A HERO MEANT GIRL COUNT WAS ZERO.

NOT ONE FLORIDIAN DISH.

ALL THE CHICKS PASSED US BY THINKING MY FRIEND AND I

HAD AN ELF FETISH.


SO MY BUDDY GOT TIRED OF TRYIN TO STOP SANTA.

YOU KNOW, STOP HIM FROM FILLIN HIS CUP.

HE SAY “COME ON LET’S LEAVE CAUSE WE’RE WASTIN OUR TIME

WON’T YOU PLEASE JUST GIVE IT UP?”

BUT WITH POOR NICHOLAS IN SUCH A PICKLED MESS

I SAID “NO WE CAN’T WALK AWAY.

WE GONNA GET THESE REINDEER TO HAUL HIS BUTT OUT OF HERE.

WE’RE SAVIN CHRISTMAS DAY”


CANT YOU SEE? SANTA NEED A CAB.

CAUSE HE LOOK SUCH A MESS IT COULD BE THE LAST CHRISTMAS

IF WE DON’T HELP HIM MY LAD

CANT YOU SEE? SANTA NEED A CAB.

WE’LL GET HIM TUCKED IN INSTEAD IN A WARM COZY BEAD

AT THE LOCAL REHAB

NOW DONNER, GET UP OL SANTA OFF OF HIS CAN,

BLITZEN GET HIS PANTS FROM THE CEILING FAN,

RUDY CANT YOU SEE TIME TO CLOSE HIS TAB

IF YOU LET HIM FLY CHRISTMAS WILL END BAD.

CANT YOU SEE? SANTA NEED A CAB.

CANT YOU SEE? SANTA NEED A CAB.