CHRISTMAS DYSFUNKTION


Every year in December millions of people gather together to experience the wonders of Holiday stress. Ahh, the countless hours waiting in line to buy little Billy that special present only to have it rejected because Timmy down the street has a better one, and I hate you. Of course no Holiday is complete without visiting relatives, sharing… no, demanding that you hear and agree with their differing political and religious beliefs. Topping it all off, each family, once a year entrusts their frightened child to the care of a questionable old man in a red suit who offers candy to little children if they sit on his lap. Yes, these and many other dysfunctions perverting a once great and sacred day, have become the American Christmas. However, no man hath greater dysfunction than this: To believe that’s how it should be…


OH MY DEAR, WHAT HAVE WE DONE?

LOUNGING UNDERNEATH THE SUN

I REALLY THOUGHT A CRUISE WOULD BE GREAT

BUT THERE’S NO TURNING BACK IT’S MUCH TOO LATE

SAY DEAR?

YES?

CHRISTMAS IN CARIBBEAN?

YES!

I THINK WE MADE A GREAT BIG MISTAKE


‘CAUSE WITHOUT FAMILY AND ALL

THE PEOPLE WITH EXCESS GALL

THERE WON’T BE ONE SINGLE FIGHT

SOMETHIN ‘BOUT IT JUST DON’T SEEM RIGHT

SAY DEAR?

YES?

WHAT’S OUR NEXT PORT OF CALL?

JAMAICA!

MAN IT DON’T FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS TONIGHT!


Chorus

I AINT GOT ANY BLOOD STAINED TOYS OR KIDS MAKIN NOISE

YELLING, “DAD,THESE PRESENTS ARE CRAP”

NO FAMILY SAYING, “VOTE THIS WAY” OR “BELIEVE TODAY

THIS RELIGION OR THAT”

NO PERVERTED OLD MAN SAYING ONCE AGAIN,

“LITTLE CHILD SIT HERE ON ME LAP”

NO, IT JUST DON’T FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS TIME

WITHOUT DISFUNKTION LIKE THAT


SO MY DEAR, PLEASE HELP ME COPE

I MISS A CHRISTMAS WITHOUT HOPE

ALL THIS CRUISE SHIP LUXURY

SPOILING WHAT CHRISTMAS SHOULD BE

SAY DEAR?

YES?

AIN’T YOU SAD AT ALL?

NO!

I NEED A CURE FOR ME SADNESS AT SEA


Chorus


BUT THREE DAYS OUT I’M STARTING TO THINK

MAYBE CHRISTMAS SHOULD NOT STINK

AND ONCE WE LAND ON TRINIDAD

“AH, THIS CHRISTMAS THING AINT SO BAD”

SAY DEAR?

YES?

HOW’S ABOUT ANOTHER RUM DRINK?

OH YOU CAD!

I THINK I JUST FOUND THE CURE FOR ME SAD!


Chorus