Every year in December millions of people gather together to experience the wonders of Holiday stress. Ahh, the countless hours waiting in line to buy little Billy that special present only to have it rejected because Timmy down the street has a better one, and I hate you. Of course no Holiday is complete without visiting relatives, sharing… no, demanding that you hear and agree with their differing political and religious beliefs. Topping it all off, each family, once a year entrusts their frightened child to the care of a questionable old man in a red suit who offers candy to little children if they sit on his lap. Yes, these and many other dysfunctions perverting a once great and sacred day, have become the American Christmas. However, no man hath greater dysfunction than this: To believe that’s how it should be…
OH MY DEAR, WHAT HAVE WE DONE?
LOUNGING UNDERNEATH THE SUN
I REALLY THOUGHT A CRUISE WOULD BE GREAT
BUT THERE’S NO TURNING BACK IT’S MUCH TOO LATE
CHRISTMAS IN CARIBBEAN?
I THINK WE MADE A GREAT BIG MISTAKE
‘CAUSE WITHOUT FAMILY AND ALL
THE PEOPLE WITH EXCESS GALL
THERE WON’T BE ONE SINGLE FIGHT
SOMETHIN ‘BOUT IT JUST DON’T SEEM RIGHT
WHAT’S OUR NEXT PORT OF CALL?
MAN IT DON’T FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS TONIGHT!
I AINT GOT ANY BLOOD STAINED TOYS OR KIDS MAKIN NOISE
YELLING, “DAD,THESE PRESENTS ARE CRAP”
NO FAMILY SAYING, “VOTE THIS WAY” OR “BELIEVE TODAY
THIS RELIGION OR THAT”
NO PERVERTED OLD MAN SAYING ONCE AGAIN,
“LITTLE CHILD SIT HERE ON ME LAP”
NO, IT JUST DON’T FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS TIME
WITHOUT DISFUNKTION LIKE THAT
SO MY DEAR, PLEASE HELP ME COPE
I MISS A CHRISTMAS WITHOUT HOPE
ALL THIS CRUISE SHIP LUXURY
SPOILING WHAT CHRISTMAS SHOULD BE
AIN’T YOU SAD AT ALL?
I NEED A CURE FOR ME SADNESS AT SEA
BUT THREE DAYS OUT I’M STARTING TO THINK
MAYBE CHRISTMAS SHOULD NOT STINK
AND ONCE WE LAND ON TRINIDAD
“AH, THIS CHRISTMAS THING AINT SO BAD”
HOW’S ABOUT ANOTHER RUM DRINK?
OH YOU CAD!
I THINK I JUST FOUND THE CURE FOR ME SAD!